Робин Уильямс цитаты

„Если бы женщины правили миром, у нас бы не было войн, только лишь интенсивные переговоры.“

„Я катаюсь на велосипеде. Для меня это передвижная медитация.“

„Воспитывая детей, ты иногда понимаешь, почему в природе некоторые животные поедают свое потомство.“

„Никогда не деритесь с некрасивыми людьми. Им терять нечего.“

„Никогда ничего не бойтесь. В крайнем случае, пусть страх будет вашим вдохновением.“

„Один из моих любимых спортсменов — Адебе Бикила, марафонец из Эфиопии. Он выиграл Олимпиаду в Риме, бегая босиком. К следующим Играм его стал спонсировать Adidas, так он нес кроссовки в руках. Зачем этому человеку допинг?“

„Комедия — способ общения с людьми, возможность быстрого контакта.“

„Родители Деда Мороза тоже хотели, чтобы их сын стал настоящим человеком.“

„Кокаин — это способ Господа предупредить вас, что вы зарабатываете слишком много денег.“

„Когда я умру, пляшите на моей могиле и поливайте цветы тем, что пьете сами. Делайте что хотите, только не клонируйте меня, потому что мой клон никогда не будет таким же, как я.“

„У того, что мы смертны, есть определенная цель.“

„Политика. «Поли» — латинское слово, означающее «много», и «тики», означающие «кровососущие творения».“

„Думаете, Господь не накуривался? Посмотрите на утконоса.“

„Вам даётся всего лишь немного сумасшествия. И вы не должны его потерять.“

„Реальность — это охренительная концепция!“

„В постели женщины больше всего любят завтрак.“

„В балете мужчины носят настолько обтягивающее трико, что вы легко можете сказать, какого они вероисповедания.“

“You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the South? Nothing! Somebody's losing a trailer.”

“Parry is a man with a previous life that was so damaged that he had to create another personality.”

“What kind of food did we drop on Afghanistan? Pop-Tarts, peanut butter…just add a Honey Baked Ham and you've got a redneck Christmas. Why are we dropping this food on Afghanistan? Tastes a shit load better than dirt, #1. #2, difficult to have a call to jihad with a mouth full of peanut butter. Thirdly, Afghanistan is a hashish-smoking culture, and anyone who's ever been a friend of the hookah will go, (intense, stoned stare) "Pop-Tarts!"”

“Comedy can be a cathartic way to deal with personal trauma.”

“Politicians should wear sponsor jackets like Nascar drivers, then we know who owns them.”

“People dont fake depression. They fake being okay.”

“You're only given a little spark of madness and if you lose that, you're nothing.”

“Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz?"”

“I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."”

“Death is nature's way of saying, "Your table is ready."”

“I would like to do for you now, a Japanese science fiction movie: "Attack of the Killer Vibrators."”

“Parry is a creation — somewhat Don Quixote, somewhat Groucho Marx — but he's a creation designed to avoid a past event.”

“Look! The moon like a testicle hangs low in the sky. This bodes not well.”

“One of the fundamental things is in a jihad. That sounds like a country western term like, "Jiii-had!"”

“But I know, as beatific as Gandhi was, there was somebody in a Bombay bar going, "I knew Gandhi…he was a prick. I saw him sucking down a pork hot dog, hitting on Mother Teresa. He kept saying, 'Who's your diaper daddy? Who's your diaper daddy?'"”

“Baseball players have to go in front of a grand jury and say, "Yeah, I did cocaine. Can you blame me? It's a slow goddamn game! Come on Jack! Standing out in left field for seven innings, and there's a long white line going down to home plate! I see the guy putting it out going "Heh heh heh heh!!!!" And that damn organ music too, the whole [does intro to "Charge!"]! Third base coach is always doing this…[wiping nose, fidgeting around]. When he's doing that, I don't know whether to slide or do a line! People sliding into home plate head first, umpire goes, "You're out!"”

“[as a Shakespearean narrator] Mind not my words — Let the play be the thing. I'll get back forth and touch myself anon.”

“There was one guy that had an amazing claim to fame, in terms of drugs and sports. And his name was Dock Ellis. And Dock Ellis did an incredible thing. The one person who knows, thank you. Dock Ellis pitched a no-hitter on LSD. Those of you who have taken LSD, tell the others how hard that might be. If I took LSD, I'd be talking to every blade of grass like "Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!"”

“[About the Swiss] The nice Germans, Yeah. Or as they like to say, the other white race. Now, I have only one question. How can you trust an army, how butch is an army that has a wine opener on its knife? "Many of you have never opened Chardonnay under fire! First, you pull the cork out, sniff it, say, 'Meat or fish?', and throw! (Military cadence) I don't know, but I've been told, Chardonnay must be served cold! Ja!"”

“Being a functioning alcoholic is kind of like being a paraplegic lap dancer: You can do it, just not as well as the others, really.”

“(On creating) And you get that little endorphin buzz, it's great. Why do you think Einstein looked like that? I don't think he was going "You know this is some dynamite weed! It's all relative you know."”

“[Comparing Ronald Reagan's Cabinet to Star Wars] There's Henry Kissinger as Yoda, "Must now cannot see understanding that I be here for you. I will show you now, Nicaragua, Cambodia, Nicaragua, Cambodia, shhh. Must later understand!"”

“The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!”

“And if they legalize it, they're gonna have to regulate it and they're gonna have to put a warning on a box of joints. It's gonna have to say, "Surgeon General has determined this will make your music… awesome! Even Yanni. And if you think you liked cartoons before…"”

“In the midst of all this, there was Bernie Madoff. An embezzler named "made off." Hmm. Was the name not a clue? Did he have to be with the accounting firm of Dewey, Fuckyou, and Howe?”

“[regarding Sarah Palin] "I know about Russia because I can see it from my front yard!" You have amazing eyesight, number one… Well, I can see San Quentin from my house, but that doesn't make me an expert on prison reform.”

“These drugs have side effects that go on for fuckin' days, like tendency-to-grow-another-head, oh my God! When we were growing up we knew the side effects of the drugs we were taking. Cocaine, side effects were paranoia, ninjas-on-the-lawn; quaaludes, side effects were talking in tongues, English as a second language; marijuana, side effects were laughter, Frosted Flakes.”

“I'd like to start the show by showing you something I'm very proud of. You'll have to step back, though.”

“And that's when you realize that God gave you a penis and a brain and only enough blood to run one at a time.”