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Фергюсон, Крейг цитаты
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Крейг Фергюсон — известный американский и шотландский телеведущий, стендап-комик, писатель, актёр и режиссёр. С 2005 по 2014 года вёл ТВ-шоу «Самое позднее шоу с Крэйгом Фергюсоном» на канале CBS.

Без отрыва от основной деятельности написал две книги: роман англ. "Between the Bridge and the River" и автобиографию англ. "American on Purpose". Стал гражданином США в 2008 году.

До карьеры телеведущего был известен, как исполнитель роли Найджелла Уика в сериале англ. The Drew Carey Show с 1996 по 2003 год. После написал сценарий и снялся в трёх фильмах, став режиссёром одного из них. Wikipedia  

✵ 17. Май 1962   •   Другие имена کریق فرقوسن
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Фергюсон, Крейг: Цитаты на английском языке

“Time is only linear for engineers and referees.”

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Craig Ferguson книга Between the Bridge and the River

Between the Bridge and the River (2006)

“I enjoy bathing, as many Europeans don't.”

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Craig Ferguson

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014)

“Welcome back, my filthy pigeons.”

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Craig Ferguson

citation needed
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014), "Welcome Back" variations

“Get well soon, Castro. [pause] Actually, no, don't; die, you bastard!”

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Craig Ferguson

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014)

“[After the doorbell rings, right before Secretariat appears] Who's that at the door?!”

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Craig Ferguson

citation needed
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014), Commonly repeated

“Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.”

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Craig Ferguson

citation needed
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014), "Welcome Back" variations

“There are bound to be some lies here, but I’ve been telling them so long they’ve become truth, my truth, as close as I can get to what really happened.”

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Craig Ferguson книга American on Purpose

American on Purpose (2009)

“Nothing says romance like hobos, martyrs and decapitations.”

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Craig Ferguson

On the creation of St. Valentine's Day. (14 February 2010)
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014)

“Like most sharks, Margaret liked to think of herself as a victim of the cruel sea.”

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Craig Ferguson книга Between the Bridge and the River

Between the Bridge and the River (2006)

“Being guilty tends to engender feelings of guilt.”

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Craig Ferguson книга Between the Bridge and the River

Between the Bridge and the River (2006)

“Appear tougher or cooler or funnier than you feel and there is a chance you’ll make it.”

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Craig Ferguson книга American on Purpose

American on Purpose (2009)

“They could have gotten help for this infertility but they believed that interfering with the reproductive process, even if it was faulty, was anti-God. It was against His plan. It never occurred to them that God may have provided the world with a vast array of very brainy medical types for the very reason of solving problems such as theirs. However, there is one thing that the medical profession cannot do and that is save people from being idiots.”

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Craig Ferguson книга Between the Bridge and the River

Between the Bridge and the River (2006)

“The problem with suicide is that it seems so flamboyant. It’s camp. You have to be a bit of a drama queen to ever seriously consider it.”

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Craig Ferguson книга Between the Bridge and the River

Between the Bridge and the River (2006)

“You die alone in your house, and your cat will eat you.”

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Craig Ferguson

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014)

“[The Secretariat horse character reveals his true identity, and it happens to be Bob Newhart. ]
Craig: Bob Newhart! What are you doing here?
Bob Newhart: Hey, Craig; it's your dream!”

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Craig Ferguson

During the final episode, the ending of the classic sitcom Newhart was spoofed here; Craig, in his role as Nigel Wick from The Drew Carey Show, wakes up next to Drew and discovers his entire stint as host of the Late Late Show was all a bad dream.
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014)

“I'm TV's Craig Ferguson, please sit down relax and: "take off your pants"; "dip your hand into a bowl of warm water and fall fast asleep"; etc.”

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Craig Ferguson

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014)

“Do what you love, and what you're proud of, and you're fuckin' bulletproof. You're fuckin' bulletproof. If you do what you absolutely believe to be right, then you're fuckin' bulletproof.”

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Craig Ferguson

Heckler (2006)

“Love at first sight is not rare, in fact it is extremely common, it happens to some people a few times a year. The feeling of “what if” when meeting the eyes of a stranger can be love unrecognized.”

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Craig Ferguson книга Between the Bridge and the River

Between the Bridge and the River (2006)

“[with a fist-shake] Take that, ____.”

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Craig Ferguson

citation needed
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014), Commonly repeated

“Fraser’s mother, Janice, was actually quite a happy soul but she had to hide it because, like all pseudo-intellectuals, she thought being cheery made her look stupid, which of course she was for believing that rubbish in the first place.”

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Craig Ferguson книга Between the Bridge and the River

Between the Bridge and the River (2006)

“I dont know how to add things to my own wikipedia page.”

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Craig Ferguson

25 Feb 2011
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014)

“As a vulgar lounge entertainer, my business relies on ridiculous stereotypes! If these people start using deodorant, I might as well just go home!”

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Craig Ferguson

On French people
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014)

“By the way, there's a place on Hollywood Boulevard where you can get a _____ for twenty bucks.”

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Craig Ferguson

citation needed
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014), "By the way…" variations

“Craig Ferguson: Do you do therapy?
Hugh Laurie: I see a gentleman once a week.
Craig Ferguson: I love it, I'm a great convert.
Hugh Laurie: Therapy?
Craig Ferguson: No, just seeing a gentleman once a week.”

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Craig Ferguson

The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014)

“Welcome back to the big show where (at this point, he references something from earlier in the show)”

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Craig Ferguson

citation needed
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014), "Welcome Back" variations

“Always laugh second.”

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Craig Ferguson книга Between the Bridge and the River

Between the Bridge and the River (2006)

“Remind you of anyone?”

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Craig Ferguson

citation needed
The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson (2005–2014), Commonly repeated

“The trouble I have with astrophysics or quantum mechanics is the same problem I have with philosophy; which is: initially it is mind blowing, then it is fascinating, then it is disturbing, then it is almost uncomprehensible, then it's fascinating again, then you disappear up your own ass.”

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Craig Ferguson

Couple Thinkers (2017)