Incorrectly attributed to Twain, this is actually a quotation from an article in The Pocono Record (18 February 1971, page 4 http://www.newspapers.com/newspage/40447792/) Misattributed

“Geological time is not money. A pity too; for it would have abolished poverty from the earth. Let us adopt geological time, then time being money, — there will be no more poverty. We are all missionaries (propagandists of our views). Each of us disapproves of the other missionaries; in fact detests them, as a rule. I am one of the herd myself. It is noticeable that the professional always uses the one license: "Go ye into all the world," and ignores the Golden Rule which would restrain him from entering China and one or two other countries where he is not wanted and is not welcome.”

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Mark Twain

Источник: Mark Twain's Notebook (1935), p. 393

“It is wonderful, the power of a faith like that, that can make multitudes upon multitudes of the old and weak and the young and frail enter without hesitation or complaint upon such incredible journeys and endure the resultant miseries without repining. It is done in love, or it is done in fear; I do not know which it is. No matter what the impulse is, the act born of it is beyond imagination marvelous to our kind of people, the cold whites.”

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Mark Twain книга Following the Equator

referencing the Kumbh Mela, Ch. XLIX
Following the Equator (1897)

“He [George Washington Cable] has taught me to abhor and detest the Sabbath day and hunt up new and troublesome ways to dishonor it.”

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Mark Twain

Letter to William Dean Howells, 27 February 1885, in Albert Bigelow Paine, Mark Twain's letters: Arranged with Comment (1917), Vol. 2, p. 450 http://books.google.com/books?id=4KZhv9y8sMIC&pg=PA450&lpg=PA450

“James Ross Clemens, a cousin of mine, was seriously ill two or three weeks ago in London, but is well now. The report of my illness grew out of his illness; the report of my death was an exaggeration.”

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Mark Twain

From a note Twain wrote in London on May 31, 1897 to reporter Frank Marshall White: Shelley Fisher Fishkin, Lighting Out For the Territory : Reflections on Mark Twain and American Culture (Oxford University Press, 1996), p. 134 http://books.google.com/books?id=ms3tce7BgJsC&lpg=PA134&vq=%22the%20report%20of%20my%20death%20was%20an%20exaggeration%22&pg=PA134. (The original note is the Papers of Mark Twain, Accession #6314, etc., Clifton Waller Barrett Library, Special Collections, University of Virginia Library, Charlottesville, Va. http://ead.lib.virginia.edu/vivaxtf/view?docId=uva-sc/viu00005.xml, in Box 1.) White subsequently reported this in "Mark Twain Amused," New York Journal, 2 June 1897. White also recounts the incident in "Mark Twain as a Newspaper Reporter," The Outlook, Vol. 96, 24 December 1910 "Chapters from My Autobiography", The North American Review, 21 September 1906, p. 160. Mark Twain Misquote: The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated. This paraphrase or misquote may be more popular than the original. Вариант: I said - 'Say the report is greatly exaggerated'.

“Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped, but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.”

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Mark Twain

The Gorky Incident (1906)

“I have seen it stated that no expert is quick enough to run over a dog; that a dog is always able to skip out of his way. I think that that may be true; but I think that the reason he couldn't run over the dog was because he was trying to. I did not try to run over any dog. But I ran over every dog that came along.”

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Mark Twain

"Taming the Bicycle" (1917)

“A Jewish beggar is not impossible, perhaps; such a thing may exist, but there are few men that can say they have seen that spectacle.”

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Mark Twain книга Concerning the Jews

Concerning the Jews (Harper's Magazine, Sept. 1899)

“Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.”

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Mark Twain

Extracts From Adam's Diary (1906)

“Pilgrim's Progress, about a man that left his family, it didn't say why. I read considerable in it now and then. The statements was interesting, but tough.”

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Mark Twain книга Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

Источник: Adventures of Huckleberry Finn (1885), Ch. 17

“The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of ungraceful and gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying.”

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Mark Twain

On the Decay of the Art of Lying, published in The Stolen White Elephant: Etc, Pages 220-221 http://books.google.com/books?id=rTv19WvJto4C&q=%22The+highest%22+%22perfection+of+politeness+is+only+a+beautiful+edifice+built+from+the+base+to+the+dome+of+graceful+and+gilded+forms+of+charitable+and+unselfish+lying%22&pg=PA221#v=onepage (1882)

“… when you recollect something which belonged in an earlier chapter, do not go back, but jam it in where you are. Discursiveness does not hurt an autobiography in the least.”

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Mark Twain

advice to his brother Orion, p. 8.
Autobiography of Mark Twain, Volume 1 (2010)

“They spell it "Vinci" and pronounce it "Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.”

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Mark Twain книга The Innocents Abroad

Источник: The Innocents Abroad (1869), Ch. 19.

“A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.”

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Mark Twain

Letter to Annie Moffett Webster (1 September 1876)