Джордж Карлин цитаты
„С планетой всё в порядке. Это людям пиздец!“
The Planet is fine. The people are fucked.
О человечестве
I do not understand why prostitution is illegal. Why should prostitution be illegal? Selling is legal. Fucking is legal. Why is "selling fucking" illegal?!
[It's] not important to get children to read. Children who wanna read are gonna read. Kids who want to learn to read [are] going to learn to read. [It's] much more important to teach children to QUESTION what they read. Children should be taught to question everything. To question everything they read, everything they hear. Children should be taught to question authority. Parents never teach their children to question authority because parents are authority figures themselves, and they don't want to undermine their own bullshit inside the household. So they stroke the kid and the kid strokes them, and they all stroke each other, all grow up all fucked up, and they come to shows like this.
Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.
О священности жизни
You know how I describe the economic and social classes in this country? The upper class keeps all of the money, pay none of the taxes. The middle class pays all of the taxes, does all of the work. The poor are there… just to scare the shit out of the middle class. Keep 'em showing up at those jobs.
Чем они набожнее, тем больше они считают, что «Не убий» обсуждаемо… Всё зависит от того, кто убивает и кого убивают.
Murder. The fifth commandment. But when you think about it… When you think about it, religion has never really had a big problem with murder. Not really. More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason. All you have to do… sure. Uh huh. All you have to do is look at Northern Ireland, the Middle East, Kashmir, the Inquisition, the Crusades, and the World Trade Center to see how seriously the religious folk take «Thou shalt not kill». The more devout they are, the more they see murder as being negotiable. It depends on who's doin the killin' and who's gettin' killed.
Complaints & Grievances (2001)
О священности жизни
I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up. Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude.
О религии
Нет.» Бах! Готов. «У моего Бога член длиннее, чем у твоего!». Тысячи лет — кровавейшие, жесточайшие войны, и всё из-за религиозной ненависти. По мне, так всё нормально: когда толпа святош хочет поубивать друг друга — я просто счастлив.
Sanctity of life. You believe in it? Personally, I think it’s a bunch of shit. Well, I mean, life is sacred? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realise that God is one of the leading causes of death. Has been for thousands of years. Hindus, Muslims, Jews, Christians all taking turns killing each other 'cuz God told them it was a good idea. Millions of dead motherfuckers all because they gave the wrong answer to the God question. «You believe in God?» «No.» *Pdoom*. Dead. «You believe in God?» «Yes.» «You believe in my God?» «No.» *Poom*. Dead. «My God has a bigger dick than your God!» Thousands of years. Thousands of years, and all the best wars, too. The bloodiest, most brutal wars fought, all based on religious hatred. Which is fine with me. Hey, any time a bunch of holy people want to kill each other I’m a happy guy.
О священности жизни
I gave up on this stuff. I gave up on my species and … I gave up on my countrymen. Because I think we squandered great gifts. I think humans were given great great gifts: walking upright, binocular vision, opposable thumb, large brain … We grew. We had great gifts, and we gave it all up for both money and God … We gave it all up to superstition, primitive superstition, primitive shit … Invisible man in the sky, looking down, keeping track of what we do, make sure we don’t do the wrong thing, if we do, he puts us in hell, where we burn forever. That kind of shit is very limiting for this brain we have. So we keep ourselves limited. And then we want a toy and a gizmo and gold and we want shiny things, and we want something to plug in that will make big big big things for us… And all that shit is nothing! It's nothing.
Телевизионное интервью Джорджа Карлина (2008)
О человечестве
…I became a sun-worshipper. Several reasons. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? Unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the sun. I'm big on that. If I can see something, I don't know, it kind of helps the credibility along, you know?
О религии
The planet has been through a lot worse than us. Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drift, solar flares, sun spots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles … hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets and asteroids and meteors, worldwide floods, tidal waves, worldwide fires, erosion, cosmic rays, recurring ice ages … And we think some plastic bags and some aluminum cans are going to make a difference? The planet isn’t going anywhere. WE are!
О человечестве
Пластик, говнюк!
The planet will be here for a long, long, LONG time after we’re gone, and it will heal itself, it will cleanse itself, ’cause that’s what it does. It’s a self-correcting system. The air and the water will recover, the earth will be renewed. And if it’s true that plastic is not degradable, well, the planet will simply incorporate plastic into a new paradigm: the earth plus plastic. The earth doesn’t share our prejudice toward plastic. Plastic came out of the earth. The earth probably sees plastic as just another one of its children. Could be the only reason the earth allowed us to be spawned from it in the first place. It wanted plastic for itself. Didn’t know how to make it. Needed us. Could be the answer to our age-old egocentric philosophical question, “Why are we here?”. Plastic, asshole!
О человечестве
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