Митч Хедберг цитаты

1 0

Митч Хедберг

Дата рождения: 24. Февраль 1968
Дата смерти: 29. Март 2005

Митчелл Ли (Митч Хедберг) — американский стендап-комик.

Подобные авторы

Энтони Джесельник3

Пола Паундстон

Джадд Апатоу

Билл Берр1

Энди Кауфман1

американский шоумен, актёр и артист ревю

Дэвид О'Доэрти1

Омид Джалили

Луис Си Кей12

американский стендап-комик, сценарист, продюсер и режиссёр

Каллин, Митч

Ричард Херринг3

Цитаты Митч Хедберг

„Раньше я принимал наркотики. Я и сейчас их принимаю. Но и раньше я их тоже принимал.“

— Митч Хедберг

„I saw a sheet lying on the floor, it must have been a ghost that had passed out... So I kicked it.“

— Mitch Hedberg

„You know when you go into a bar and you want to wash your hands, so you go to the bathroom, and they don't have any hot water? You turn on the C knob, cold water comes out, you turn on the H knob, cold water comes out! It's like, fuck, you cheap bar! But I can accept that, but I just want to know what H stands for now! C obviously stands for "cold." H must stand for, "Ha Ha Dude! You thought this shit was hot, but it is not! Now go spread some germs!"“

— Mitch Hedberg

„I got a wallet, it's a Trifold... that shit is stacked! It's orange in color, in case I want to buy a deer“

— Mitch Hedberg

„I was at the airport a while back and some guy said "Hey man, I saw you on TV last night." But he did not say whether or not he thought I was good, he was just confirming that he saw me on television. So I turned my head away for about a minute, and looked back at him and said "Dude! I saw you at the airport... About a minute ago... And you were good."“

— Mitch Hedberg

„One time, this guy handed me a picture of him, he said "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture is of you when you were younger. "Here's a picture of me when I'm older." "You son-of-a-bitch! How'd you pull that off? Lemme see that camera... What's it look like? "“

— Mitch Hedberg

„If you're watchin' a parade, make sure you stand in one spot, don't follow it, it never changes. And if the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction, you will fast-forward the parade.“

— Mitch Hedberg

„I don't have any children, but if I had a baby, I would have to name it so I'd buy a baby naming book. Or I would invite somebody over who had a cast on.“

— Mitch Hedberg

„If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fucked up.“

— Mitch Hedberg

„I bought a $7 pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.“

— Mitch Hedberg

„Yeah, this comedy is all a part of my “Get Rich Slow” scheme... and it’s working.“

— Mitch Hedberg

„I saw this commercial on late night TV, it was for this thing you attach to a garden hose, it was like "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product." Who the fuck would make their plants hard to reach? That seems so very mean. "I know you need water, but I'm gonna make you hard to reach! I will throw water at you. Hopefully they will invent a product before you shrivel and die! Think like a cactus!"“

— Mitch Hedberg

„I'm sick of Soup of the Day, it's time we made a decision. I wanna know what the fuck 'Soup From Now On' is.“

— Mitch Hedberg

„You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.“

— Mitch Hedberg
track 17, "Movie Pot"

„Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. "Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way."“

— Mitch Hedberg

„See, this CD is in stores. The only way I could get my old CD into a store is if I were to take one in and leave it. Then the guys says "Sir, you forgot this!" "No, I did not. That is for sale. Please alphabetize it."“

— Mitch Hedberg

Годовщины сегодня

Рю Мураками6

японский писатель 1952

Ованес Тадевосович Туманян9

армянский поэт и писатель, общественный деятель 1869 - 1923

Егор Летов86

русский рок-музыкант, поэт, основатель и лидер рок-группы... 1964 - 2008

Эдуард Доувес Деккер1

нидерландский писатель, также известный под псевдонимом М... 1820 - 1887

Другие 77 годовщин

Подобные авторы

Энтони Джесельник3

Пола Паундстон

Джадд Апатоу

Билл Берр1

Энди Кауфман1

американский шоумен, актёр и артист ревю