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„Те, кто работает сидя, зарабатывают больше тех, кто работает стоя.“

„Чтобы дети были счастливы, им нужно кого-то игнорировать. Для этого и существуют родители.“

„Не жалейте о том, что стареете. Многим в этом было отказано.“

„Безусловно, есть множество вещей, которые нельзя купить за деньги. Но вот что забавно: вы когда-нибудь пытались заполучить их, не имея ни гроша?“

„Бог в своей мудрости сотворил муху, а затем забыл сказать нам.“

„Разум многих людей помещается за дверью с надписью «к себе», так что, если вы, не заметив надписи, станете давить на дверь логикой фактов, вы добьётесь только того, что дверь закроется с максимальной плотностью.“

„Одинаково смотреть на вещи значит — верить.“

„Прогресс — это не плохо — один раз, но он продолжается слишком долго.“

“Life has a tendency to obfuscate and bewilder,
Such as fating us to spend the first part of our lives
being embarrassed by our parents and the last part
being embarrassed by our childer.”

“O all ye exorcizers come and exorcize now, and ye clergymen draw nigh and clerge,
For I wish to be purged of an urge.
It is an irksome urge, compounded of nettles and glue,
And it is turning all my friends back into acquaintances, and all my acquaintances into people who look the other way when I heave into view.”

“Oh, than to enjoy a storm like this
There's nothing I would rather,
Don't dive between the blankets, Miss!
Or else leave room for Father.”

“The weather is so very mild
That some would call it warm.
Good gracious, aren't we lucky, child?
Here comes a thunderstorm.”

“Naturally I am not pointing a finger at me,
But I must admit that I find Mr. Ickes or any other
speaker far more convincing when I agree with
him than when I disagree.”

“To lave in the wave,
Majestic and chilly,
Tomorrow I crave;
But today it is silly.
It is pleasant to look at the ocean;
Tomorrow, perhaps, I shall swim in it.”

“Belinda lived in a little white house,
With a little black kitten and a little gray mouse,
And a little yellow dog and a little red wagon,
And a realio, trulio, little pet dragon.”

“Senator Smoot (Republican, Ut.)
Is planning a ban on smut.”

“Hark, hark! the lark
On windswept bark
Freezes against a sky of lead!
Now see him stop,
Take one small hop,
And suddenly keel over dead!”

“Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.:
That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.”

“Any hound a porcupine nudges
Can't be blamed for harboring grudges.
I know one hound that laughed all winter
At a porcupine that sat on a splinter.”

“Fear not the thunder, little one.
It's weather, simply weather;
It's friendly giants full of fun
Clapping their hands together.”

“Once in a night as black as pitch
Isabel met a wicked old witch.
the witch's face was cross and wrinkled,
The witch's gums with teeth were sprinkled.
Ho, ho, Isabel! the old witch crowed,
I'll turn you into an ugly toad!”

“Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?”

“Their joy needs another woe's to cushion it,
Say a puddle, and someone littler to push in it.
They observe with glee the ballistic results
Of ice cream with spoons for catapults,
And inform the assembly with tears and glares
That everyone's presents are better than theirs.
Oh, little women and little men,
Someday I hope to love you again,
But not till after the party's over,
So give me the key to the doghouse, Rover”

“Indoors or out, no one relaxes
In March, that month of wind and taxes,
The wind will presently disappear,
The taxes last us all the year.”

“I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.”

“Time is timelessness for you;
Calendars for the human;
What's a year, or thirty, to
Loveliness made woman?”

“How easy for those who do not bulge
To not overindulge!”

“It is an indication that my mental buttery is butterless and my mental larder lardless,
And it consists not of "Stop me if you've heard this one," but of "I know you've heard this one because I told it to you myself, but I'm going to tell it to you again regardless…"”

“We love the kindly wind and hail,
The jolly thunderbolt,
We watch in glee the fairy trail
Of ampere, watt, and volt.”

“There is one thing that ought to be taught in all the colleges,
Which is that people ought to be taught not to go around always making apologies.”

“The further through life I drift
The more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift.”

“Whether elected or appointed
He considers himself the Lord's annointed,
And indeed the ointment lingers on him
So thick you can't get your fingers on him.”

“This poem has widely been credited to Nash as a poem with the title "Fleas", but is actually the work of Strickland Gillilan and was originally titled "Lines on the Antiquity of Microbes.”

“The garden is a raging sea,
The hurricane is snarling;
Oh, happy you and happy me!
Isn't the lightning darling?”

“Behold the hippopotamus!
We laugh at how he looks to us,
And yet in moments dank and grim,
I wonder how we look to him.”

“May I join you in the doghouse, Rover?
I wish to retire till the party's over.”

“Good wine needs no bush,
And perhaps products that people really want need no
hard-sell or soft-sell TV push.
Why not?
Look at pot.”