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Джоан Риверз

Дата рождения: 8. Июнь 1933
Дата смерти: 4. Сентябрь 2014
Другие имена: Joan Riversová

Джоан Риверз — американская комедийная актриса, стендап-комик, телеведущая, сценарист и продюсер, обладательница премий «Эмми» и «Грэмми». Известна своими многочисленными выступлениями в различных телешоу, а также колкими комментариями о звёздах американского шоу-бизнеса.


„Девушке нужен большой опыт, чтобы целоваться, как начинающая.“

„Я не охотница до физических упражнений. Чтобы заставить меня нагибаться, вам пришлось бы рассыпать по полу бриллианты.“


„A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.“

„I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.“

„It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.“

„If God wanted us to bend over he would put diamonds on the floor“

„I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make
it through one door, I'll go through another door -- or I'll
make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark
the present.“

„I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.“


„The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.“

„She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.“

„People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.“

„I can't like watching Project Runway with Heidi Klum. There's just something wrong about a German woman saying who goes and who stays“


„I knew I was an unwanted child when my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.“

„Ginger did everything Fred did, only backwards and in High Heels!“

„It's obvious that women are smarter than men. Think about it - diamonds are a girl's best friend; man's best friend is a dog.“

„Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.“

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